Belva Jean Blutarskarkle, a reader from Three Way, Tennessee had this question for The Snark:
“Dear Uncle Snarky,
I was reading some of your past responses to people’s questions and I think you’re either a twisted genius or quite possibly the biggest dumbass who’s ever drawn a breath. I can’t decide which. Oh yes, and what is your take on science?”
The Snark replies …
Belva Jean, I’m not going to lie to you … this time. My first instinct was to make fun of your parents, but I’ve heard they’re a couple of nice guys. But, what ho! Did someone say science?
I remember this one time, in fourth-grade. We were studying, you guessed it, science.
The teacher told us about dominant and recessive genes and said that two blue-eyed parents could not have a brown-eyed child. This set a terrible chain of events into motion as the girl next to me, Molly Hunsucker, leapt from her chair and said in a loud voice “That’s some bullshit right there! Both of my parents have blue eyes and my own eyes are as brown as a UPS truck!”
Our teacher took this all in stride and stated dryly “Well, then you’re obviously someone’s love child.”
Molly became enraged at the suggestion and tore off all of her clothes, and most of mine, and then ran screaming from the school.
The next day we found out that Molly’s parents had been waiting for the right time to tell her that she wasn’t actually their daughter and that they’d found her behind the dumpster at Taco Bell.
Guess the right time found its own way. So yeah … science.
– Uncle Snarky –