Uncle Snarky Explains It All

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Uncle Snarky Explains It All: Science

Posted by Uncle Snarky on December 5, 2022
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

Belva Jean Blutarskarkle, a reader from Three Way, Tennessee had this question for The Snark:

“Dear Uncle Snarky,

I was reading some of your past responses to people’s questions and I think you’re either a twisted genius or quite possibly the biggest dumbass who’s ever drawn a breath.  I can’t decide which.  Oh yes, and what is your take on science?”

The Snark replies …

Belva Jean, I’m not going to lie to you … this time.  My first instinct was to make fun of your parents, but I’ve heard they’re a couple of nice guys.  But, what ho!  Did someone say science?

Science

I remember this one time, in fourth-grade.  We were studying, you guessed it, science.

The teacher told us about dominant and recessive genes and said that two blue-eyed parents could not have a brown-eyed child.  This set a terrible chain of events into motion as the girl next to me, Molly Hunsucker, leapt from her chair and said in a loud voice “That’s some bullshit right there!  Both of my parents have blue eyes and my own eyes are as brown as a UPS truck!”

Our teacher took this all in stride and stated dryly “Well, then you’re obviously someone’s love child.”

Molly became enraged at the suggestion and tore off all of her clothes, and most of mine, and then ran screaming from the school.

The next day we found out that Molly’s parents had been waiting for the right time to tell her that she wasn’t actually their daughter and that they’d found her behind the dumpster at Taco Bell.

Guess the right time found its own way.  So yeah … science.

–  Uncle Snarky  –

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Posted by Uncle Snarky on January 12, 2021
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

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Zip Dicker

Posted by Uncle Snarky on April 18, 2020
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

Zip Dicker

That face you make when your schlong gets stuck in your zipper.  

Don’t act like you’ve never done it!

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Uncle Snarky Explains It All: Smear the Queer

Posted by Uncle Snarky on April 21, 2018
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

Little Matthew Ritter from somewhere near Reading, Pennsylvania writes …

Dear Uncle Sharty,  Is it true that “keep away” is no longer called “smear the queer”?

Smear The Queer

Voted Most Likely to Take One for the Team

The Snark responds:  Matthew, what a great question!  This subject really takes Uncle Snarky back in time …

I remember this one time, I must have been, I don’t know, 27 or 28 years old.  I had the football and I was running like the wind away from all my terrible tormentors.

They were all yelling and screaming “Smear the Queer!” and “Hey Asshole, give us our football back!” and other such fun taunts.  I giggled like a schoolgirl as I ran.  I don’t mind telling you, it was one of the greatest moments of my life … until.

All of a sudden, I felt my world disintegrate into chaos.  A small pair of hands wrapped around my waist and then began to punch me right in the family jewels!  I lost consciousness. For how long I can’t be sure, but when I came to, there was Suzy Farkus.  

 

Smear The Queer 3

Go ahead, make my day … punk

Suzy was a no-nonsense kind of fourth-grader.  Apparently it pissed the hell out of her that I had taken her friends football and made my mad dash for glory.  She kicked me in the face a couple of times for emphasis and then skipped away.

I forgot exactly where I was going with this story, but to answer your question … No, sadly we can no longer play Smear the Queer.  The era of political correctness has descended upon us.  

But, the game is still played under a new name … rugby.

Ugly Chick

Arkansas Rugby Cheerleader

 

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Uncle Snarky Can’t Explain This

Posted by Uncle Snarky on June 26, 2017
Posted in: Humor. 2 Comments

Pooh Pants

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Uncle Snarky Explains It All: AFOOFA

Posted by Uncle Snarky on May 1, 2017
Posted in: Funny, Humor, Offbeat, Snarky. 1 Comment

The Snark loves to share his AMAZING word power with his adoring fans.

Todays word is:  AFOOFA

AFOOFA is a very special word.  It is the only word in the English language that is the same when spelled frontwards as it is rearwards.  

Such a word is known as a paladin.

So, here’s to our special word!  Now go repeat this information to anyone who’ll listen! They’ll think you’re special!

Go AFOOFA Go!

Dumbass

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Uncle Snarky Explains It All: Obviously

Posted by Uncle Snarky on January 7, 2017
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

The Snark has noticed a real spike in conversational use of the word, “obviously”. Due to the very nature of its meaning, it should be seldom used.

But, people (sportscasters are the worst) love to open their sentences with the word “obviously”, and then go on to tell you what they already stated was obvious.

So, should we take exception to this? Should we assume that the speaker considers us idiots because he immediately goes into great detail telling us what he had just before deemed obvious?

Or, should we assume that the speaker is an idiot because he either doesn’t understand the words he’s using or he relies on “crutch words” or phrases to speak because he’s unable to think on the fly and speak accordingly?

I’m going with the latter … obviously.

obviously

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Uncle Snarky’s Misquoted Quotes

Posted by Uncle Snarky on December 15, 2016
Posted in: Humor. Tagged: Funny, Humor, offbeat, Snarky. Leave a comment

one-eyed

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man still can’t see out of his other eye

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Best Coffee Cup … EVER!

Posted by Uncle Snarky on August 28, 2016
Posted in: Humor. 3 Comments

This was submitted by a friend.  A modern Renaissance man with intellect and humor to spare!  Much thanks, my brother!  I will not mention your name without your consent.

Best Coffee Cup Ever

Any fucking questions?

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Caution: Life Ahead

Posted by Uncle Snarky on July 20, 2016
Posted in: Humor. Leave a comment

Dance

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    • Uncle Snarky Explains It All: Science
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    • Zip Dicker
    • Uncle Snarky Explains It All: Smear the Queer
    • Uncle Snarky Can’t Explain This
    • Uncle Snarky Explains It All: AFOOFA
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